Men’s Guide To Boobs

It is no secret – men are infatuated with bosoms. The male eye has its way of looking to the chest after it first notices a woman. This is such a common occurrence that it has become a clichéd joke over the years. Boobs are mens favorite thing on planet earth. For them, breasts are like snowflakes. Everyone is unique. So guys, know the right moves, and you’ll have her melting in your arms.

See also: 5 Ways That Your Boobs Can Get In the Way

So here it is, men’s ultimate guide to boobs…

1. “Cranberries.” While these aren’t mens favorite type of boobs, they are boobs nonetheless. Cranberries are about the size of an A-cup, but with nice little nipples. On a hot, skinny body these boobs can be quite hot. They’re sensitive, but they can handle more motion because of their size. Use your palms to cup and gently bounce her breasts during sex.

2. “Lemons.” Lemons are exactly what they sound like. If you’ve been around a lot of boobs, they are actually quite common. Lemons look like, well, lemons resting against the chest. All you have to do is squeeze ‘em together and if you need help squeezing to make it tighter, use a hand.

3. “Oranges.” Here we have a classic boob formation, because they look like two big round oranges. You might think all boobs are perfectly round, but these boobs really are round. Spice it up! Dab a little cinnamon leaf oil (or cinnamon oil mixed with a couple drops of olive oil) onto her nipples and then blow them for a pleasurable tingly feeling.

4. “Pointers.” Pointers are fun, because they are so perky. These are closer to the most perfect type of boobs, but they are a little too pointy to reach 10 status. However, they are fun to suck on. So, put a dollop of whipped cream on one of the sexy thing, and caramel sauce on the other. Lick them in succession to get the full taste sensation.

5. “Mail bags.” Mail bags are a little on the floppy side, but they can be hot if you look at them the right way. Mail bags are more rectangular and droop a little. Indicative of a chick who has never worn a bra in her entire life. Droopy breasts can be the least sensitive–not only are the nerves stretched, but they’re compressed by the breasts’ weight. Have her lie on her back; it’ll cause her breasts to shift up and out, relieving the tension on the nerves and helping her focus on the pleasure.

6. “Under chinners.” These boobs look really misplaced, because you will be wondering how they got so high up on the chest. Yet, these boobs look amazing in lingerie. As per men, it’s great for titty sex! Just gently massage the sexy thing with lube or lotion, and then slide your penis back and forth between them. Let your girl push her breasts together to create a tighter fit.

7. “Balloons” are an amazingly fun type of boobs if you ever run into a pair. These boobs are probably the biggest that you’ll find and they are tremendously fun to play with. So, stimulate the outer sides of her breasts, just below the armpits, with your tongue or fingertips. Make flipping motions with your tongue and even experiment with light nibbling.

8. “Water balloons.” These boobs are a little lumpy and mismatched in size, but they can be fun to flop around. Now, drizzle honey from her breasts to her belly button. Then have her blindfold you and dare to find the sweet treat using only your tongue.

9. Finally, you’ve got the perfect breasts. The perfect breasts are between a B and C cup and have a perfect areola to nipple ratio. Not too much areola and just the perfect amount of nipple. These are the kind of boobs you see and know you’d like to put your hands all over! In a cowgirl position, have your girl, rub her breasts to your face and then taste those nipples!

See also: Top 5 Physical Deal Breakers For Men

Men love breasts. But do guys prefer big breasts, small breasts or fake breasts—and does it matter?

As for what men prefer in terms of chest size, we need to understand that there’s an enormously wide range of breasts that men like. Whatever you happen to have is probably pretty great to the eyes (and hands and lips) of most of them.

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