The Six Individuals You See Outside Each College Party

We’ve all been to our fair share of parties, and by now you know that there’s always the same collection of folks sat outside the house while all the action goes on inside. I bet you can even put names to these types, as they always seem to be the same ones party after college party.

Below are the six individuals you can see outside every college party.

  • The Smoker Without A Cigarette  – Yes, they only smoke when they drink, which invariably means that they don’t buy their own cigarettes. So as soon as a group goes outside to light up, the ‘Smoker Without A Cigarette’ follows along like a lost puppy dog, hoping to bum a cig off someone. Then they try and edge into this social circle of smokers, trying to keep up with their puffing. Of course, since they probably started smoking a few months ago, they cough their asses off and spit everywhere. 
  • The One That’s Not Drunk – Or at least that’s what they keep telling every person that walks by. Only the people walking by hear something like, “Hey I’m naaaa drrrrrrrrrunk! Where are mahhhhh keyssss? Oh, here they aaah – in my pock ettt!” Repeat this scenario for a couple of nights a week all through the semester.  It’s the same ones who drive their roo mates crazy the next morning when they’re too hung over to function, but they do have enough energy to explain to everyone that they’re hungover.   
  • The Unpopular One Who Follows Around ‘The One That’s Not Drunk’ – She’s not unattractive, but she won’t be gracing the covers of Playboy any time soon. The poor thing just hasn’t established a real set of friends yet, so she follows around this reverse alcohol vacuum in an attempt to mooch off their pseudo-popularity. But get too close to the puker, and the Follower turns into uber-bitch, defending the honor of her ‘friend’. Heck, maybe if they get drunk enough, they may even get a chance to score with the Drunk? 
  • The Couple Who Always Fights At Every College Party – The same fight every single party. You’re not spending enough time with me. You keep looking at that girl/guy who obviously has the hots for you. My parents hate you but I’m going to keep dating you anyway, even though we’re obviously a bad match. We’ll break up early in the party, but end up making out in the back yard before midnight. Because everyone will know we are together if we make a big scene then get caught having oral sex in the neighbor’s yard. Then we’ll repeat the whole scenario on Facebook the next day, since there’s no party around. 
  • The One That’s Too Cool For This Scene – It’s too loud. It’s too crowded. The beer sucks. The girls are all whores. I’ve got an exam in the morning and I want to leave, but I’m not because I won’t have anything else to complain about. This guy can never be happy at a party, but if you ask them later on in the week what they did over the weekend, they’ll be all too happy to go into the details of the ‘sick’ college parties that they were invited to. 
  • Drunk Dialer – Yup, we see this guy or gal outside every college party. Speaking loud on their phones…talking as if the other line is miles away.

There you go! The six individuals you see outside every college party. The next time you to some college parties in your campus, be sure to checkout these guys.

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